tw: self harm
they say that suicide is painless
but i know for a fact that
the day after isn’t
nor the day after or
the day after that
but i think the pain of a sliced up wrist
cannot sum up to the pressure
swelling in my head
at the idea of facing another day of
surviving
#tw:self harm
"When you recognize that there is a voice in your head that pretends to be you and never stops speaking, you are awakening out of your unconscious identification with the stream of thinking."
"what doesn’t kill you
leaves scars
ruins your lungs
dries out all your tears
leaves you lying awake at 4 in the morning
wishing you weren’t alive"
haffalump:
literature meme ∙ [1/7] characters ∙ marya morevna (deathless)
“perhaps all a tsaritsa is is a beautiful cold girl in the snow, looking down at someone wretched, and not yielding.”
(via theunseeliequeen)
"I’m never gonna wait
that extra twenty minutes
to text you back,
and I’m never gonna play
hard to get
when I know your life
has been hard enough already.
When we all know everyone’s life
has been hard enough already
it’s hard to watch
the game we make of love,
like everyone’s playing checkers
with their scars,
saying checkmate
whenever they get out
without a broken heart.
Just to be clear
I don’t want to get out
without a broken heart.
I intend to leave this life
so shattered
there’s gonna have to be
a thousand separate heavens
for all of my flying parts."
I am an asshole
i am an asshole
and I feel weird
all the time
and I have mood swings faster than the striking of snakes
and my rage comes like hurricanes
and my euphoria like spring rain
quick and furious
i am bitter like
wormwood
and i laugh at things
i shouldn’t
and i wring my hands
and bite my lips
and glare
i have no social grace
and i dislike more things in this world than i can admit
but i make you lunch.
and let you cry on me
burn candles
fill your pockets with lavender for luck
and witch bottles full of blood and my hair
and pour salt
and put on party dresses
and pick flowers
and bring wine
and i pour fire in the mouths of those who hurt you
and i abandon you for days
when the dark in my head
gets too loud
but not really
because
i think about you all the time
it’s just
i don’t want you to see the lightening striking and the
lion roaring and screaming in my mind
when i tally up my skin
and empty my stomach i
don’t want you to see
and
i don’t want you to abandon me
so don’t
fucking leave me
don’t abandon me
and i know you need space too
because i can be suffocating
but
when i disappear into my own head
people don’t miss me
like i
miss
them
when i put so much effort into being
a some-what human being for you
I may have a job guize.
I did an interview at this local coffee house I LOVE (they do pesticide free baked goods, organic, blahblahblah so I am well versed in their company practice on that end) yesterday, buuuuut they are also suppppahhh peppy. If you know anything about me, peppy should not come to mind about me. I dislike ‘fake nice’ because I feel as if I am insulting people…I don’t know…I just feel like I’m too ‘rough around the edges’ for that place. But I would love to work there. :C
I ha a dream I got the job so…I dunno. Burn some luck candles for me?
"Did you know, you can quit your job, you can leave university? You aren’t legally required to have a degree, it’s a social pressure and expectation, not the law, and no one is holding a gun to your head. You can sell your house, you can give up your apartment, you can even sell your vehicle, and your things that are mostly unnecessary. You can see the world on a minimum wage salary, despite the persisting myth, you do not need a high paying job. You can leave your friends (if they’re true friends they’ll forgive you, and you’ll still be friends) and make new ones on the road. You can leave your family. You can depart from your hometown, your country, your culture, and everything you know. You can sacrifice. You can give up your $5.00 a cup morning coffee, you can give up air conditioning, frequent consumption of new products. You can give up eating out at restaurants and prepare affordable meals at home, and eat the leftovers too, instead of throwing them away. You can give up cable TV, Internet even. This list is endless. You can sacrifice climbing up in the hierarchy of careers. You can buck tradition and others’ expectations of you. You can triumph over your fears, by conquering your mind. You can take risks. And most of all, you can travel. You just don’t want it enough. You want a degree or a well-paying job or to stay in your comfort zone more. This is fine, if it’s what your heart desires most, but please don’t envy me and tell me you can’t travel. You’re not in a famine, in a desert, in a third world country, with five malnourished children to feed. You probably live in a first world country. You have a roof over your head, and food on your plate. You probably own luxuries like a cellphone and a computer. You can afford the $3.00 a night guest houses of India, the $0.10 fresh baked breakfasts of Morocco, because if you can afford to live in a first world country, you can certainly afford to travel in third world countries, you can probably even afford to travel in a first world country. So please say to me, “I want to travel, but other things are more important to me and I’m putting them first”, not, “I’m dying to travel, but I can’t”, because I have yet to have someone say they can’t, who truly can’t. You can, however, only live once, and for me, the enrichment of the soul that comes from seeing the world is worth more than a degree that could bring me in a bigger paycheck, or material wealth, or pleasing society. Of course, you must choose for yourself, follow your heart’s truest desires, but know that you can travel, you’re only making excuses for why you can’t. And if it makes any difference, I have never met anyone who has quit their job, left school, given up their life at home, to see the world, and regretted it. None. Only people who have grown old and regretted never traveling, who have regretted focusing too much on money and superficial success, who have realized too late that there is so much more to living than this."