Happy Holidays from room 209!

and found myself slipping into old ways. I was freaking out, totaling the calories while plotting ways to skip my next few meals, to burn said calories off, to puke them up.

But then I realized- this is the first binge I’ve had in months. I am in recovery, it was bound to happen. So, I looked through the body positive community and found my panic slowly easing away.

I’m having trouble comprehending how an inanimate object can make my whole world flip. It’s just food. Food. The word itself seems frightening, but the letters themselves seem rather harmless.

F
O
O
D

What can be so scary about something I need to survive?

I am taking this as a sign of growth, my ability to calm down, step back, and realize that eating excess isn’t going to ruin my entire life. It is not a reflection of the self and, honestly, I will not gain five or even a single pound from it. And if I did gain, my weight isn’t a reflection of who I am.

Loosing thirty pounds, ten pounds, hell even one pound will not change who I am. It will not make people like me any more and if it does, those people aren’t worthy of my attention.

Here I am, post binge, sipping a dirty chai and moving on with my life.

{p.s. reading Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix helped a bit. Potter saves my life again. Did you know that the actress who played Luna Lovegood was hospitalized for an ED?}

Taken with instagram

• Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
• Sweep: Origins
• Sookie Stackhouse: DeadLocked
• The Mysterious Benedict Society 
• The Last Unicorn
• Dark Moon Goddess
• The Wood Wife
• Witch Season
• A Discovery of Witches
• My Booky Wook
• Morganville Vampires
• The Poison Wood Bible
• A Girl’s Guide to Vampires
• Paper Towns
• Eyeliner of the Gods
• Tilt ‘68
• White Oleander

The list so far. What are you reading this summer?

I don’t…what even….it’s just so gooood!

about the loss a reader feels when finishing- truly finishing- a series, or even a book. The inevitable pang of reaching that last page, growing worse while you’re skimming through the acknowledgements even though you aren’t really reading it, is so familiar to a devoted reader. Perhaps that’s why I went on a hiatus from reading; I found others ways to escape the world that didn’t have such a soul-wrenching feeling as the moment of hitting that last page, speed reading to see the end, then returning to it, reading each word again as if to confirm that it is indeed over and not just one of those half-hazed dreams that occur when your mind wanders while reading. Those who’ve never held reading close to their hearts can never understand the loss readers face- in those final moments, words, pages, chapters, covers, we are loosing a world, loosing characters that have become friends, enemies, lovers, we are loosing a bit of ourselves that can only be partially recovered (because, let’s face it, we’re never the same as when we first experienced the tale) as we re-read the book when we shut the book.  Tears, hopes, dreams, hate, anger- we leave it all within the pages of the books, our stories become entangled with the characters’ we loose ourselves in. When readers…well…read, we become a part of a world that will never really be ours. Like splitting our souls hundreds of thousands of times, we create horcruxes out of our best of friends, books.

Gifts from grandmum! The leaf is a real leaf that has been copperized- it seriously looks like it was forged by faeries. {:

Also, there is a hufflepuff wand, a pair of honey badger claws harvested. from a skeleton in the woods, and a Baba(sheep) pin. Such lovely things!

Oh &

I have a magpie

& a

comma. {:

slytherin-psychology:

Slytherin Psychology

(Source: accioscabior)

(Source: ccconstellations, via lady-pureblood)

(Source: askadeatheater)

(Source: potterheadproblems)

lastofthetimeladies:

Hufflepuff | Hogwarts Sorting

BUT WHICH ONE?!

(via operationbootypest)